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           Guest Editors
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Andy and J. Reid
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Surely they will introduce themselves more thoroughly as the week passes, but really brief:

Andy is a wild and crazy synthmonger, and an ever-provoking conversationalist. You may know him from Hatelife: Drew. J. Reid is a master of flattery and a new reader. Beyond that, you don't know him... yet. Kick it, guys!

Wednesday, May 31, 2000
07:56 a.m.

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The Not So Triumphant Return
  - D Fitch

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Greetings. Most of my link power is being sidelined.

What's new with you? I busted up my arm when I tripped running down a picturesque trail along the wrongly-named Stillwater River. Then the DSL modem at my house decided to eat some lightning. Hopefully I'll be back soon.

Until then, please re-read guest week -- I'm not even halfway through it yet. Great job, guys.

Or, more importantly: The Clyde Tunnel Project

Tuesday, May 30, 2000
11:17 p.m.

+-------

So long..
  - j.reid

-------------------------------=--
I had slip this in before midnight hits and D and the swat team forcibly remove drew an I from apathy. Just wanted to thank D for the blind trust and letting me play. Long live apathy, goodbye, etc.

Tuesday, May 30, 2000
07:59 p.m.

+-------

DREW'S final day$%($%
  - drew

-------------------------------=--
phew i am back in ohio, the trip went well but it was very exhausting, i took a gigantic nap when i got home. i didn't brush my teeth before i went to bed because i was so tired and when i woke up it tasted like a ferret crawled into my mouth and took a nap there while i was asleep, bleagh####

i went back to work today and all these people were talking about the indy 500 and they went to blah blah and blah blah with their relatives and grilling blah blah. what did you drew? some people asked me. oh nothing i sat around, i watched some stuff on espn, also i scratched my privates. see that is how little i had to do, if my idle scratching actions were a part of my list of things i did this weekend, that is an indication of how little i did! haha i would have told them about going to a rave but i didn't have any aspirin (i mean ecstasy) left to sell them, so there was no point.

this afternoon though i didn't have much to do except a lot of paperwork so i got my stupid synth and drum machine out of the trunk and set them up on my desk. using pliers and a screwdriver and a soldering iron and a paperclip (i had to put paperclip in there because it makes it sound like macgyver) i wired the output from my crappy 10w amp into the telephone line. then i turned everything on and pressed the INTERCOM button and started jamming some chicago deep trance goa. it was great because i gave this secretary $50 to stand down at the end of the hall and flip all the lights on and off very fast. the lights were blinking and there was loud techno music on the PA and the boss thought it was the apocalypse!!

OH NO he said and ran out of his office with his briefcase under his arm IT IS THE APOCALYPSE!! THERE IS ONLY ONE THING FLASHING LIGHTS AND LOUD TECHNO MEANS AND THAT IS DEATH$%#$# and then ran out of the building. so i turned off all my stuff and hung up the phone, and also locked the doors so he couldn't get back in. after the boss left the office my day was pretty nice!

unfortunately this is my last day here on apathy because d fitch is going to come back tonight and erase all of the stuff i put up and use scripts to crash all my servers so here are a small last batch of links for you:

pokey the penguin is being (intermittently) updated again. the link above though is to a spot where i am selling pokey the penguin stickers, they are good quality and very cheap. d fitch even bought some!! i do not have many left so act fast because supplies are limited! (also if d fitch really hates my apathy web logging skills he might come to my apartment and steal the rest of my stickers.)

drew epinions: i wrote some epinions on epinions.com, if you visit them they will give me money. they are not that great but i think it is funny that some of them are "recommended" opinions, some of these retards must not read the opinions before they recommend them.

ok my arms hurt and i need to wash dishes but i think the pain would be bad if i tried to do that so i had this glass that is kind of dirty and had smudges and food all around the outside and i sort of rinsed it off and then wiped off the outside with a paper towel, i really hope i do not get some kind of infection

Tuesday, May 30, 2000
07:18 p.m.

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CLYDE TUNNEL AUDIO STUNT#$(
  - d fitch

-------------------------------=--
HELLO this is d fitch i am posting a link here for you!! it is CLYDE TUNNEL which looks like an internet-wide collaborative internet stunt, which is going to go through june.

ok i lied this is really drew and i forgot to post this on sunday like d fitch told me i should, sorry sorry sorry :(

Monday, May 29, 2000
10:43 a.m.

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RAVERS ARE PEOPLE TOO%$(^&
  - drew

-------------------------------=--
hello%$#(!@ here i am in my car back in the parking garage, i tried to use a cyber-cafe but i got kicked out. i made a few thousand dollars yesterday so i figured there is no harm in going to soho to find a cyber-cafe and some good expensive coffee. well i was there and it was all music playing in the background and etc. and there was this middle age woman with frizzy hair on this computer and she had her own keyboard hooked up to the mac and this guy came over and said, wow, i didn't know you could just plug in a keyboard, does that just plug into the back? he was this sort of short guy with a short-sleeved pink and green striped shirt, and brown mustache and thick glasses and a minnesotan-type accent. the woman stopped typing on her ergonomic keyboard that she had hooked up to the computer and started talking to him. he was one of those weird people who doesn't have much emotion in their voice and they just stare at you when they're talking to you. every time you look away and look back they're staring right into your eyes and that is what makes them seem crazy. anyway my attention diverged (i think i was eating a sandwich with my great 2.00 coffee) and i was doing something on the computer or whatever and there was a sudden silence as everyone stopped talking at the same time as the music paused between songs.

well except for the crazy guy who was still staring at this woman telling her about his antidepressants. he was telling her how he was on 10mg xanax, and you can't get that from your primary care facility, they will only give you a max of 6mg, and how (i stood up at this point and walked over and popped him in the jaw.) haha it was great, then i told the woman, hey that guy was pissing me off, was he bugging you? yes he was bugging the hell outta me! she told me. would you like to sit down?

so i told her hi, my name is drew. i said, yeah, my wrists hurt, i have been meaning to get an ergonomic keyboard but i didn't want to spend the money and figured i could just steal one probably. oh! she told me. i have repetitive stress injury! i have to take herbal supp-- (here is where i popped her in the jaw. i hate people who are always talking about the medication they are on and what is wrong with them, it is annoying as hell.) well she and the crazy guy were both laying on the ground sort of stunned when the people at the goddamn cyber-cafe grabbed me by the elbows and escorted me out of the cafe, they did not even let me finish my coffee. stupid assholes i did not like your old ass power macs anyway!! well ok that was this morning but yesterday was kind of cool too.

yesterday morning i woke up and went over to 48th street (i think) where there were a bunch of music shops, i bought some weird old analog synthesizer and a crappy drum machine. the store where i got it was one of those where you can play all the instruments in the store and it is always really loud from all the guitar fags and marshall stacks. ok well also i got a small 10w amp so i could hear the synth and drum machine and so i figured i would take them somewhere else to listen to them cause i couldn't really hear them in the store. i took them outside and plugged them in and started playing analog synth and drum machine. i got into it and really started jamming, the rhythms were tribal and pulsating and acid house trance neo gabber goa house and bass. well people were stopping on the street and listening, and nodding their heads, and then one guy in adidas pants came along and started breakdancing. so i put out a box (it was the box the drum machine came in) to collect money and people nearly filled the box with money! they were throwing in five dollar bills and change and even those new dollar coins!! there were probably about 50 or 60 people on the sidewalk at one point and they were shouting along with the music and pumping their fists. i had to empty the box out into a bigger box when it became so full the money was falling onto the pavement.

after a couple of hours my wrists were killing me from playing the same stupid blippy bass patterns over and over, and stopping and restarting the drum machine to make breakbeats. so i gathered up my equpiment and my box full of money and left. i went to a bank and got them to convert all my ones and change and etc. into bigger bills, and i had a few thousand dollars.

well as i left the bank this dude walked up to me and said, hey weren't you the guy playing techno on the street out there? i told him, yeah, i was. he asked me if i would like to play at an illegal rave warehouse party that night. hell yeah! i told him. i knew he would pay me some fat bucks for playing at a rave. i was going to go on at 1am that night so i still had plenty of time to prepare.

i went to some "urban street shop" to buy some good baggy clothes. also i got a pair of those bug antenna headlights so i would look like orbital or whatever while i was playing in the dark. except i had 1 keyboard and 1 drum machine and no silly sequencers or huge mixing desks haha. also a big pair of headphones to put around my neck so i would look awesome like a DJ. also i went to a drugstore and bought a 500-count bottle of aspirin and a file. i filed all the letters off the aspirin tablets so they were rough and had no lettering or design.

well ok so i got to the rave at 11pm or whatever and music was already going. i found the guy and we put my keyboard and drum machine up in the dj booth so i would be ready to play. then i went out into the audience and sold the aspirin to the people at the rave for $20 a pill. they thought it was ecstasy. haha morons well at least if you get a headache from the loud music you will be okay!!

well i played at the rave for a while but i couldn't really tell what was going on, there were all these lights and people and screens and a bunch of people with glowsticks, so i just danced around so my headlights were wobbling back and forth and played some crap on the keyboard. i was going to go home but after i put my equipment and huge roll of cash back in my car i realized that i had a couple hundred pills still! i sold probably 150 more of them and when i had a handful left i screamed "FREE ECSTASY EVERYONE#$$#%@" and chucked the pills up in the air over a crowd, all the teenage floppy pants candy ravers went crazy and dove after the pills and fought over them, haha so much for "plur" i guess.

ok well i didnt have anything to do after that so i went to the rave "chill out" room where there was some ambient stuff playing and everyone was sitting around stoned and sleepy. i took a nap there.

i woke up a couple of hours ago and the rave was still going on, but i had to leave because i needed some coffee and all they had there were these "smart drinks" with god knows what in them, probably horse pee and chopped up leaves. and that brings us to today! it is like a flashback except with no harp music!

okokok so i should go because i have to work tomorrow and even though i have a fat roll of bills i dont want to lose my job. i have to drive back pretty soon, so i can wash my dirty pants. they smell like unwashed ravers! imagine rotting meat and then multiply that by 10, and also imagine glowsticks stuck in the maggot meat, yuck.

well here are some links

analog synth faq is here in case you want to buy one of those stupid old things with knobs and crap instead of menus and buttons and preset piano sounds.

this is the drum machine i got and this is the stupid old synth i got, if you want to buy one of these from me for $50 or something let me know and i will mail it to you, they smell like smoke and body odor from that stupid rave so i am warning you.

hyperreal will tell you about stupid rave crap and music machines will tell you about old equipment if you want to learn how to modify your crappy plastic drum machine or whatever. boom pssh, boom pssh#$%(*

electronics for music is a good resource if you have the time to waste building synths instead of making good money playing them for floppy pants kids, or if you really like plugging resistors and crap into those little pc boards and soldering them down, ooh look at me i am a synthesist PHEAR&%^(*&($%

ok i think that is it, i really have to drive back to ohio now

p.s. (synth claps!!) haha.

Saturday, May 27, 2000
09:27 p.m.

+-------

NEW PORN CITY
  - drew

-------------------------------=--
today, i am in new york city. manhattan to be precise! the drive from pennsylvania to nyc was not bad, although it rained on us some this morning. driving in the rain sucks, especially when you are on a trip with someone who keeps trying to take the tape out of the stereo and listen to the local radio station. i kept telling the fat guy (he never told me his name, what an ass) to leave it alone but he kept saying that we should see if there are any news bulletins about fugitives on the run after destroying a mailboxes etc store in ohio. for gods sake you moron, i kept telling him, nobody cares about goddamn mailboxes etc stores and nobody will miss you. also i think he just wanted an excuse to stop listening to trucker's jukebox vol 15 that i bought at the grocery store a while back. it is a good tape! it has alabama and the oak ridge boys and a lot of other artists, you can't beat that.

well he was taking another one of his greasy constipated dumps at a sunoco station along the pennsylvania turnpike when i got in the car without him and drove off. i mean honestly what do you expect when you eat three bacon cheeseburgers from a 7-11 "deli" case, fat guy? plus he smacked his lips when he ate, that bugged the hell out of me. with any luck he has called the police to turn himself in and gotten a ride back to the strip mall hell he came from.

i wasn't feeling too well myself after trying to pick out some 7-11 food to eat. i ended up eating a box of altoids and six of those international delights creamers, of assorted flavors, mostly irish cream and vanilla delight. plus i refilled the air pot with coffee, because you can never tell when you need coffee. haha just kidding, you always need coffee! right now for instance! no wait, that's not you, that's me!

i got into the city this afternoon; there was a lot of traffic at the lincoln tunnel and i kept thinking about that monstrous eight-hour made-for-tv version of THE STAND where the guy is walking through the tunnel and there are all the dead bodies, and the one old guy was saved because he drank sterno all the time. now there is something i have never had before: sterno. the next time i am at one of those catered buffets i am going to steal one of the cans under the pans of chicken or whatever and take it home to drink it. or if the thing i'm at is exceptionally boring i will drink it during the presentation! so if i go blind from drinking it, and i have to go up to the podium to accept the award, i will run into things and knock them over! wait, i have a better idea, i will just pretend to drink it, pretend to go blind, and then knock things over intentionally. that is a lot better. also if i pretended to take some pcp i could throw the podium through a window and throw people out after it and use the sterno to set them on fire before they go out the window;;

haha ok time for more coffee, the sterno was an ill-conceived idea. a much better idea would be to pour the sterno into someone else's drink, then watch them go blind and then hand them the "sterno antidote secret formula" which is really pcp and crystal meth and then they will go crazy and wreck stuff, and if they are not wrecking enough, i will help them. psychotic guy! over here! help me throw this podium into the fireplace! also maybe they will steal a tank like on FOX

perhaps the mountain grown aroma of fodger's coffee is not enough to shake my worries about being on the lam, and i need better coffee. maybe i should get some espresso, that would be good. made by real mexicans working in an italian restaurant! not fake mexicans like we have in cincinnati. i had better go with the best value on my coffee purchases because my car is parked in this 30.00/hr garage in manhattan and i don't know if i will be able to pay that. i am staying in the car because hotels are even more expensive than that and i don't want joggers in central park to accidentally step on me if they are jogging at night while i am sleeping there. agggh get your skinny tank top wearing ass off of me, i am trying to sleep! why are you out here anyway do you want to get mugged?

i was trying to think of some people i knew in new york but i don't think i know anyone who lives here. this city is expensive and all the cashiers are encased in locks and bulletproof glass so my usual tactics for avoiding fees and bills won't work. tomorrow i am going to figure out some way to make some money but in a little while i am going down to chinatown to see if i can find any oriental porn dvds, and also some chinese food. my stomach is pretty wrecked from the 7-11 incident so i need some steamed dumplings to get it to calm down, aw yeah. maybe if i pretend not to understand what they are saying i can leave without paying the bill. wait what am i saying, i should just get up and leave before i even get the bill haha. it works in cincinnati so it should work in new york right? and besides the police are looking for me at the canadian border so they have no clue where i am, i am just another new york tourist.

also if the chinese food restaurant is boring, i will take this pcp i was going to give to the guy at that awards banquet, and spend the rest of the night trying to scrape spiders off my body with chopsticks. they keep coming back!! argrgg^^*$

beck wrote the song "truckdrivin neighbors downstairs", when i listen to trucker's jukebox it makes me want to sing real deep like beck on a 4-track with the tape sped up so when it gets played at normal speed it's real low. all slow like i am about to go to sleep: grizzly bear motha fucka never goes to sleep, it's just the shit kickin speed takin truck drivin neighbors downstairs. yeah, (guitar part)

dumbrella says i have delicate wrists, well that is not the case! they are strong enough for a man but made for .,,,,, well actually that is a pop culture reference quip that would work better in another context, but i am all out of tylenol and my wrists hurt so i am going to stop writing now, haha.

p.s. these inter-net sites are being gobbled up like (tasty food) at a (place where things eat lots of tasty food) so get pornsylvania.com while you still can, someone is squatting on newporncity.com and offering it for $30,000.

Saturday, May 27, 2000
10:17 a.m.

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Eye Candy + Brain Food
  - j.reid

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Grafica Obscura, a self proclaimed collection of computer graphics hacks, is home to some interesting approaches to graphics and art: The Impressionist is a java applet that can transform anyone into an artist. Or the very interesting experiment with synthetic lighting.
The less digital sections of the site are still damn interesting, especially the avant garde origami stylings of Dr.D.Huffman. Oh, and of course, there's some hauntingly poetic Japanese English to be found there as well.

Saturday, May 27, 2000
12:10 a.m.

+-------

Newly Tasty Improved Enhanced
  - j.reid

-------------------------------=--
Are you haunted by horribles?
Do you ever run after your nose?
Does your nose choke?
Does your head or face or shoulder ever limp?
Has any part of your body suddenly grown uncontrollable?"

Care must be exorcised when handring Opiticar System as it is apts to be sticked by dusts and hand-fat.


What the hell is this? Why, it's Engrish!
[more][more][more]

[note: I'm sure we English speaking people sound just as stupid when we try to speak Japanese. But still, Learning Japanese is POSSIBLE!]

Friday, May 26, 2000
09:18 p.m.

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page changed
  - drew

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if you tried to go to my hatelife:drew page you may have found it's not there, the url was changed when steve went from php3 to php4 or some nonsense like that. here is the new link: hatelife:drew   mailto: drew_hatelife@hotmail.com

Friday, May 26, 2000
09:11 p.m.

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FREE BEER AND PIZZA in toronto tonight
  - drew

-------------------------------=--
today i left work early, filled up my honda with gas, and got on the road. it's a three-day weekend!@#($ so i thought i would go to toronto, to meet the mysterious j reid and collaborate in person on our hostile takeover of the apathy log. he has posted just a couple of times but he has enough links to quench your thirst. also he said if i visited him that he would give me free beer and pizza! also (insert canadian joke here)!!! haha! (i couldn't think of one so you can just make up your own if you don't like canada, or also you could insert a pro-canada comment there. i am not as good with the inter-net web pages as d fitch is or i would have a text box here where you could type in things.)

ok well i loaded up my car with all the necessary supplies: some clean shirts and a lot of granola bars and one of those air pots of coffee i stole from a starbucks. viva la anti-corporate revolution! actually i don't care, i just needed one of those insulated air pots for my trip. i stopped at a united dairy farmers (if you don't have those where you live, you suck haha) and filled it up with coffee. the cashier was in the back or something so i just left. i was going to get some free ice cream but i could not reach the scoop from the other side of the counter, but that is ok cause i don't need anything to keep me alive except coffee and granola bars. so anyway i was driving north on interstate 71 and i saw one of those strip malls and i had to pee so i stopped there, there were a bunch of restaurants.

so anyway after using the industrial-deodorant-urinal-cake smell bathroom i went to walk around the strip mall a little bit and they had all the standard stores like a cruddy cheap-shoe store and a chain music store and a mailboxes etc store. wait, mailboxes etc i thought! i have never been in one of those so i think i will go in this one, to see what it is like! i have had people ship me things packed by mailboxes etc before.

well the store was just mostly packing material and envelopes and some copiers and some bored people working there. over on one wall under a bunch of envelopes they had a gigantic roll of the 3/4" bubble wrap, you know the kind with the huge bubbles! so i asked the guy (he didn't look like he had anything to do): hey don't you ever get the urge to sit here one afternoon and pop all the bubbles? no he told me, i never pop the bubbles. we have to use that to pack stuff.

haha you've never popped the bubbles? i asked him. no, he told me, not even one, except maybe on accident when i stuff someone's crap into a box so tightly it's certain it will get broken by rough handling on the route! haha! i didn't think that was too funny, i told him, so you are the guy who packs stuff badly so it gets broken when the UPS walking-turd drivers (that's what someone at one of my old jobs called the ups drivers, walking turds, because they wear all brown- i think that is good name because they are usually total shitheads) drop it off the truck and throw it around in the warehouse! to accentuate my frustration i went over and popped a bubble on the bubble wrap. "you don't even pop these bubbles you moron!" i shouted at him. then i popped another one of the bubbles.

well i was standing there and i had two bubbles popped so i thought i would pop the five around them to make a hexagon broken bubble pattern. then i thought, this looks kind of cool so i will make a larger hexagon. then i popped out more bubbles to make a larger hexagon. then i popped out too many on one side so i had to make another row of bubbles around the hexagon.

i was perfecting another hexagon when the guy yelled at me, "hey what are you doing? you can't pop all our bubbles! that stuff is expensive, who do you think has to pay for it?" "HAHA YOU," i shouted at him, "THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR BREAKING MY FRAGILE ITEMS PEOPLE MAILED TO ME, ALSO I AM ADDICTED TO POPPING BUBBLE WRAP BUBBLES AND NOW I CANNOT STOP UNTIL THEY ARE ALL POPPED!!" he didn't seem to like it and i think he was going to make me stop but when he came over to where i was bubble-popping he reached out and started to pop the bubbles too. YOU ARE RIGHT DREW THIS IS ADDICTING$( he told me. we sat there for a half an hour and ended up popping all the bubbles on this huge three-foot-roll of bubble wrap.

then his manager came out of the door and yelled at me. WHAT ARE YOU DOING! YOU POPPED ALL OUR BUBBLES! he yelled at me. your employee helped me! i told him. that is why i could pop the bubbles so fast!

i think the manager was going to fire the guy and i didn't want to get caught in the middle so i jumped up and ran out the door to my car. but the bubble-poppin employee followed me! when i unlocked the doors he jumped in and said, "quick! let's get out of here!" WHAT, i told him, I AM GOING ON A TRIP, i can't just drive you somewhere, i have a schedule to meet! "i am going wherever you are going, especially if it is out of state, because my manager is going to kill me!" he told me. i mean haha what a dumbass to be scared of your boss. i was going to push him out of the car but then he offered to pay for gas wherever i was going, so we got back on the interstate heading north.

the only problem was that now we were fugitives! i thought authorities would be waiting for us at the canadian border if we tried to go to toronto, so we had to change plans and head for new york city. sorry j-reid, i would still love to have some beer and pizza with you but i would get arrested if i was caught in a roadblock! and you can bet your ass i would not drive into a bulldozer blade and blow up like in vanishing point!!

so this fat white-shirt-wearin mailboxes etc ex-employee and myself are holed up in a barn in rural pennsylvania right now. it is off the pennsylvania turnpike on our way to new york. (what do you think i hang out in amish country for fun?) i hid the honda under a tarp and some cows so it is safe from detection.

right now we are waiting for night to fall, because we got some spray paint and we are going to make one of those hex symbols in the barn, it will be a circle and real colorful like the other ones around here, except with more genitals and profanity. while i wait here are some links since this is a web log after all:

UPS SUCKS: these people not only have a poor grasp of the english language, but they hate UPS, and their retard page counter is broken too. do you need any more reasons to like them??#

US postal service rates are here, see how cheap it is to have your package shipped by someone who at least halfway gives a damn about getting it to your house without breaking it?

pennsylvania is a very boring state to drive in, you may want to look into prescription stimulants if you plan to drive through it anytime soon. this goddamn barn is SMELLY and a cow just took a dump on my car so i am going to go now;; p.s. pornsylvania.com is still open, so if you have some amish porn laying around on your hard drive, now is the time to register and rake in some of that inter-net dough

Thursday, May 25, 2000
05:46 p.m.

+-------

EVERYBODY COUNTS
  - drew

-------------------------------=--
ok its thursday, you know what that means!! well it means it is payday for one but also it means dan is probably in montana by now. i don't know if there are computers in montana! so he is probably not going to be able to read this unless he has some sort of wireless computer modem cellular setup, which he might have.

haha that reminds me of a couple of weeks ago, i live near a college campus so i can go there and hang out for a while if i am ever bored and want to hit on college girls. all i have to do is put on my regular dirty jeans then beat up someone on campus and steal their rock t-shirt. then i will fit right in! it is like in the movies where they rough up someone, knock them out, and steal their uniform so they can pretend to be a cop or a hospital worker or whatever. oh no the doctor i just knocked out got called to surgery and i have to perform the surgery in his absence, during which hilarity will ensue! what comedic genius.

well as funny as the scene is where the REAL doctor is discovered in the closet with his mouth duct-taped and wearing only a white t-shirt and light blue boxer shorts, the sight of a skinny college kid running down the street with no shirt, scared that i will try to put my carrot in his cadbury canal after taking off his shirt, is even funnier. hilarity ensued! and you thought that was next to impossible without a good laugh track!!

okok well anyway when i was on campus a couple of weeks ago i walked around for a while, i looked for people with about a week's worth of beard stubble growth. because i knew they were comp sci students!! i found one away from the pack and picked it off much like a lion would pick off the weak or crippled member of a herd of antelope. instead of carving him up and eating him though, i just stole his laptop and cellular modem! he is lucky i was not a lion because i could have bitten through his tough layer of 50/50 poly/cotton novelty t-shirt with no problem. (well me = lion is impossible because they sleep 22 hours a day i hear, impossible with coffee)

once i had the laptop i couldn't remember what i wanted to do with it, maybe something involving being able to use the inter-net away from my own computer, which is sort of dumb. oh look at me i am in a park and i am using the inter-net, except it is slower and it is costing me $0.95 a minute! i can compose my poetrie electronically in the park and then upload it to my on-line poetrie journal without even going back home, now how convenient is that! also if i see a fat chick with a laptop in the park who looks like a comp sci student, i can send her an icq message and say hello, would you like to chat with me! a/s/l!!

so i ended up selling it to some fat guy walking around, i figured he probably had difficulty walking to all the different computer labs on campus and needed connectivity. i couldn't accept plastic so i took $43 plus his dunkin donuts frequent donut card. those are valuable, and his had only three dozen to go before he got a free box of munchkins! so it looked like a win-win situation: i got to beat up a college student, plus i made some money. wait both of the wins in that situation were for me! all the better!

i had money so i went to a coffee shop on campus (that is one of the good things about college campuses, they have places where you can get coffee) and got some espresso. i should have known better because i guess college students don't know the difference between espresso and motor oil; the espresso was bitter and burned-tasting. they are too busy trying to impress each other and have "all-nighters" to think about what they are drinking!

so i got some motor oil from my home (i did not pour it on that aquifer after all and it turns out there is an even better use for it! hooray!) and opened up my own gourmet coffee stand!! i had a menu, it had cappuccino, mocha, latte, americano, espresso, cafe au lait, macchiato, and four different kinds of regular brew coffee. (they were silly things i made up: peruvian kava buzz blend, spanish roast ecuadorian, bolivian mountain blend, and decaf.) all of those were available in short, regular, tall, and grande! instead of one of those espresso machines i set a file cabinet up on a table. i was just using motor oil and milk for all the drinks so i didn't need anything fancy.

i had a couple of customers but then there was a guy that said hey why is your machine not making noise! and why is my milk not frothed or steamed? well i should have shut him down with a witty comment i stole from a sitcom but i panicked and couldn't remember any so i just pushed the file cabinet over on top of him and ran away! i made something like 9.00 from the first customers and since the motor oil was in the file cabinet it was probably going to leech into the local aquifers anyway so it was another win-win situation! with both wins to drew, again!@# that made four wins for one day so i bought some horse tranquilizers from a guy on the street with my coffee/laptop money and went home to celebrate.

the moral of this story is:

coffee faq: note that under "preparation methods" there is no mention of motor oil! so, if you run a "coffee shop" where you serve "burned shit" instead of "proper coffee", perhaps you should "fuck off and die" for attempting to sell crappy coffee at 1.65/2oz.

50 cups or whatever it's called is being updated again, if you are into other weblogs besides apathy (they all pale in comparison, i must say)

IRCNews.com quits IRC, the "I am getting away from my computer, because it is ruining my life... whoops i don't have a life, hello again computer people (slightly embarrassed)" attitude reminded me of this page, haha.

Thursday, May 25, 2000
12:04 p.m.

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Ad Nauseam
  - j.reid

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The anti-corporate, anti-ad movement has been kicking around for a long time. Adbusters is probably the most prominent player in the scene. Sadly, Adbusters is becoming an industry in itself. Reading a recent issue I noticed that they seem to think it's okay to advertise, as long as it's only for their own products (well, I'm sure the money goes to a good place .. ?). The most explosive (and most annoying) advertising sludge to hit our culture is spam and banners. Even the most apparently respectful sites (slashdot.org, who, I thought, were against the corporatism and greed that 'M$' represents. theonion.com, who, I thought, represented a strong counter-culture.) are falling into the pits of whoredom, becoming more and more laden with flashing banners with the passing days. Other casualties: wired.com, sold their souls to the devil/lycos. metacrawler.com, are any of the results not paid-results? The list goes on. To counteract the bleak future the 'net and humanity are diving head-first into, groups like the D&P Center are encouraging web developers to stand strong, and keep their web sites spam-free. But that's just on the net. Advertisements are oozing into places of education, in children's textbooks and with things like channel one (which is the most frightening of them all). What it all comes down to is money, consumerism, and greed.

[feel free to contact me with more anti-ad links - spam_me@flashmail.com]

Wednesday, May 24, 2000
07:22 p.m.

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(lame first post?)
  - j.reid

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m i n i m a l i s m

Wednesday, May 24, 2000
05:44 p.m.

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DREW ENTERS$%(*#$@&
  - drew

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HELLO this is drew#$(*%!!! if you want to send me mail send it to drew_hatelife@hotmail.com, copy and paste that, i hate retard mailto links. if JR sends me his feedback address i will put it up here too.

i am taking over for d fitch while he goes on vacation or whatever he is doing this next week, i did not want to do it but after STEVE broke all my fingers i was afraid d fitch might have broken my legs or shot me in the kneecap or something! these web guys may seem like a pushover, but when you make them angry they can get violent!!

well since he is somewhere, probably driving to wherever he is going, or packing up all his indie rock cds to take on his trip i am here and taking over the log. i am actually at work right now and i think after i finish this log work (logging is not for the weak among men for it takes strong wrists, and also a strong browser to handle the links involved) i am going to make some more coffee so i don't fall asleep here at my desk which would be bad.

my wrists feel better today, i have been doing some exercises to keep them in shape!! i am doing ergonomic stretches and flexes and trying to keep them from catching on fire like they did last night. that really hurt but i should not have used gasoline to wash my hands after working on my car and then cooking some food on the stove.

haha just kidding not only did i not cook food on my stove (it is the microwave or cold food around here) but i did not fix my car!! i dont know much of anything about cars except that it seems to run fine even though i only change my oil every 7500 miles. yes i know that you are supposed to change it every 3000 miles! but come on, that is not really necessary. if i was radiohead (or at least writing the liner notes for one of their cds) i would throw out my car! and ride the "lift" to work.

okok well anyway i do need to take my car in to get serviced and i always take it to the honda dealer, nowhere else. honda has this waiting room and when i sit on the couch i sink in about three feet, i wonder how many people have sat on that couch before and left some of their fluids behind. good thing i am not obsessive compulsive about sitting on things that have had fatty sweat oozed into them previously!

the last time i was there was probably about four months ago. well watching the tv and reading popular mechanics was only amusing for about the first three minutes of my thirty to forty minute wait so i walked out into the garage where they were repairing cars. i love the sound of the air tool that takes the hex nuts off the wheels, and puts them back on! it is like a burst of air combined with electric motor quickly starting and stopping. like this: PP-reeemm,. do that five times in succession and it sounds like you are in a car garage! also lots of reverbed shouting, etc. and people talking.

so i went up to a mechanic and asked him, hey what are you doing. he didn't answer me so i grabbed the hex nut wheel tool! PP-reeeemmm,$# i pressed down the trigger. now tell me what you are doing goddamn it!! i yelled at him. he was scared (everyone knows the sound of the hex nut wheel tool) and told me, i am just changing the oil! dont shoot! haha moron its a hex nut wheel tool not a gun but i didn't tell him that since now i had his full attention. show me how to change the oil!! i yelled at him, and motioned to the undercarriage of the car with the tool. the car up on the rack was one of those old honda preludes from 1990 or something, before they changed the body design. he said, i already changed the oil! i was about to let the car back down and tell the owner that it's ready to go!! i told him, okay buddy, you get off easy this time, just show me how to operate that hydraulic rack lifter instead. so he showed me the levers etc. of how to use it.

i was going to get a spare car (they had plenty there cause they also sold cars, the lot was next to the service garage) and drive it halfway onto the rack and use the rack lifter to flip it over onto its top and then dance around on it like it was a riot (maybe i would set some oil or gas on fire in there, to make it seem more like a riot) but then i figured my car's oil would never get changed so i just went back to the waiting room.

when i was reading about how to install a home security system (the march 1997 issue of popular mechanics) it came to me: why would i want to know how to change the oil anyway? aren't people who change their oil wasting lots of time and energy doing it themselves while they could just pay a mechanic twenty bucks to do it for them? haha. wait, what am i going to do with all that quaker state oil in my garage!! i bought it when i was convinced by the commercial and the odometer on screen that rolled past 3000 miles!

i was cooking up some scheme to call the EPA and demand a ransom in exchange for me to not pour the oil onto the ground above an aquifer but then my car was ready so i just went home. okokok so well that was kind of a tangent, anyway i do have to vacuum out my car and wash it because i am going on a trip soon too. i don't know why i really have to vacuum and wash it before i go, all i really need to do is put gas in it, but it might just be a psychological thing. also, it will give me something to do during work tomorrow.

just in case you didn't understand some of that (moron):

reverb: what it is. explained in depth at harmony-central.com!!! this is one in a series of excellent articles explaining audio effects including eq, compression, phasing, ring modulation, etc.

obsessive compulsive disorder: definitions, features, and treatment. may be useful if you find yourself running out of soap often or counting to four all day long! 1 2 3 4 1 2 3 4 1 2 3 4 1 2 3 4;..,,,;#$

ok this bugs me you know the movie "as good as it gets" with jack nicholson and the little dog, he is supposed to be obsessive compulsive right? so ok he turns the light switch and the lock 5 times and wears gloves. but... ok he goes to the restaurant where the woman works and he brings his own silverware BUT then he sets the silverware right down on the dirty tablecloth now how is that consistent!! <fat comicbook guy from simpsons> i have here a list of errors in movies which i would like to discuss with you^%%$# but really if you were obsessive compulsive i bet that would bug you too, then you would go to the movie theater restroom to wash your hands.

also fat chicks in party hats if you missed the link up there, because nothing is more fun than looking at pictures of deformed people!!

Tuesday, May 23, 2000
11:04 p.m.

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The Last Entry Before Sundown
  - D Fitch

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Did you know there are towns in Montana?

I'll be in Billings, the Magic City. Yeah.

Just in time for the Toxic Trash Roundup!

My momma works here, but the domain is busted right now.

You can bet I'll be playing the Montana Lottery.

Maybe some winter sports. It's always winter in Montana!(tm)

Montana Punk: Three record stores in the state!

Or wait, the Rodeo!

Virtual West, quite frankly, needs no commentary.

Have a good one, and always remember: Rock.